theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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