Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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