just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
