The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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