do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Did we literally take a cab across the street
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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