mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
