Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
