Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
