I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
