I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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