It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
