i barfeds in our rink
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
