So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
