He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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