That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we made out on top of his cat.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
