ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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