I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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