well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
