I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
