I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
