Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Im part way to drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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