It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
