Everything about him screamed your future.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
