Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
