I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
