In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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