i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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