So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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