in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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