she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
