Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
