I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
