The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
