see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
