I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
