I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
