My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
