he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
