i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
