I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
