i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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