dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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