How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
