i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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