I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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