it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
