So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
