Your tits are I can't wait for
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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