She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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