If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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