I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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