I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
